DAY 19: When I was too young to remember how old I was, I nearly drowned. It was summertime, at a public pool in New Jersey, I was with my cousins an dem. I don't remember my age but I remember that moment, that feeling, that wild desperate clawing, grabbing, reaching, drowning. I remember coming to the realization that I was going to die, and that there was nothing I could do about it. I remember giving in. Apparently it had taken some time before my folks realized they were one short. They would tell me that my aunt had broken into a sprint and dove, fully clothed, into the water. That she had found me seconds before I had been lost forever. But I don't remember any of that. I just remember sitting in the back of the car on the way home, dripping and shivering, no one saying a word. Every now and then I remember that sinking feeling, that panic of drowning. You don't need water to drown. It's the panic that kills... So I guess a part of me did die that day. The part that panics.